A 5-Step Process for Transforming Shame with Self-Compassion

www.nicabm.com

© 2020 The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

As practitioners, we know how transformative self-compassion can be – especially when it comes to healing shame.

But here’s the thing – when a client is deeply rooted in shame, the very idea of being kind to themselves can feel undeserved and uncomfortable, even unnatural.

So what if we could give them a step-by-step process to help them move beyond these common blocks to self-compassion?

Below, NICABM created a free tool for practitioners to share with clients that breaks down the 5 key steps for transforming shame with self-compassion.

How to Transform Shame With Self-Compassion

Step 1: Understand “The Nature of Shame”

Shame is normal. Shame is the brain’s way of dealing with the threat of disconnection.

Step 2: Label Shame

Label shame for what it is: an emotion. Giving it a name helps you get some distance between you and the emotion

Step 3: Replace Judgement With Curiosity

Try to hold your experience of shame with curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity about your emotions can hep you shift into a more caring and understanding perspective.

Step 4: Acknowledge your Inner Critic

It’s helpful to be aware that your inner critic often likes to amplify your shame, Remind your inner critic that you are a work in progress, trying to navigate the best you can.

Step 5: Practice What is Helpful, Not Harmful

Try to speak to yourself like you would a friend. Can you ask yourself what actions would be helpful for recovering from this experience, rather than actions that might perpetuate it? If you are working on correcting an action, can you offer yourself constructive correction rather than shaming self-attack.